If 2025 is a marathon, I’m at the point of the race where I hit a patch of mud and my feet are slipping around under me. I’m still trying to move forward but the effect has me looking like a Looney Tune trying not to fall on my face.
Look, I’m still in the race, but I’m feeling a bit ungrounded for a variety of reasons. April and May were packed full of events such as our dining room ceiling leaking for the gazillionth time--and subsequently undergoing two days worth of construction, important emotional discussions between my husband and I, (it felt like every week we had to have A Talk),
I took a couple seminars on ADHD and asexuality in kink, I donated blood, both Asher and I experienced some medical scares, we hosted a dinner party for our partners and their partners, we went to a documentary screening, I had intense therapy sessions and painful revelations…you get the picture. Feet, mud, etc.
Hence why you’re reading this Substack at the end of May. Mea Culpa.
I have been struggling. I’ve had to do a lot of emotional labor for others, and a lot of emotional labor for myself. Most of the emotional labor I’ve had to do for others has nothing to do with me at all. I wish that the things that feel natural and good and sacred to me didn’t have to be processed or perceived. I wish I could just exist in the world and not have to deal with the reactions of others. I wish I could fuck around sans finding out. I know this probably makes no sense without more context, but I don’t want to dive into parent/child/family dynamics because bleh. I’ll just leave this nonsensical musing with the wise words of Kylie Jenner.
I hope you’ll be pleased to know despite all the emotional heavy lifting, I’m doing really well. This is mostly thanks to our support system; our friends, families, loved ones. If you’re in this demographic, thank you for being patient with me. <3
We’ve been successful so far in having the spring and summer we desired. Both Asher and I wanted to see people and be out in the world and have fun. It has come to fruition and we are relishing in the fruits of our labor, even if it is still laborious. (We are still parents to a toddler and an infant, after all).
There are so many things I am looking forward to this summer, but what I am most excited about is spending it with others.
I will find my footing soon. Whenever I feel unmoored I cling to what brings me control in chaos: list making, organizing my space and my brain, planning ahead. I can see the ending of this slippery mud patch and I haven’t broken my ankle yet.
Some things I’ve been loving:
Long Read Articles
Fantasizing about moving into a house with no copper pipes
Going for a run (!!!!!!!)1
Rewatching comfort shows
Beastars, Normal People, and Mad Men are on the docket
Yes, I know that’s a motley crew of television
Vintage erotica magazines
60-70’s Playboy
On Our Backs
Watching live music, especially when it’s my friends playing
Having a drink in the sun and getting just a lil’ pink
Continuing to live in complete ignorance about AI and ChaptGPT
Planning a birding adventure with my boyfriend’s wife
We’re going to nerd out I’m psyched
Kissing my babies all over their faces
What are your plans for this summer? What have you been loving? Have you, like me, been slipping around in a mud patch? What do you do to regain your footing? Do you see me rooting for you on the sidelines? I’ve made a sign and everything. xx
My sicko boyfriend’s influence